Life is busy.
We get caught up in the busyness, getting things done, achieving goals etc.
And we don’t stop until something significant happens that stops us. Typically, this shows up as some sort of physical, mental or emotional ill-health.
Once it comes to this, we need to rest and focus our attention on recovery, before we work on what changes need to be made.
This pattern, as well as being unpleasant and time intensive, is also flawed. Largely, because this state of ill-health is not the best state to be making life decisions.
This is where a ‘bothering list’ can help, holding a key to life success.
When things are just niggles, or sources of ‘bother’ they’re not causing burnout, depression or high anxiety.
However, they are the first sign of what might come next, if you don’t pay attention, providing really useful insights into what’s not working.
And because they are just niggles, dealing with them won’t feel too overwhelming or emotive for anyone involved.
Tips for creating a bothering list
Create a habit of keeping a bothering list and treat it like a to do list that you work on regularly;
Write down everything that’s bothering you, however small;
Do regular check ins with yourself. Notice when you are feeling those niggles – what’s happening, who is involved, what is the trigger?
Identify any common themes. Could there be an underlying need that is not being met or a behaviour pattern that is no longer serving you?
Consider other ways of identifying what’s playing on your mind. For example:
- What do you ruminate on if you wake in the night?
- Do your dreams have a common theme/message?
- What do you talk about when offloading to a friend, colleague or family member?
When you feel that you’ve captured all your niggles, commit to action.
Step 1: Put a simple tick or cross against each item to indicate whether you have any control over it. Items with a cross, represent things you must let go of through accepting what you can’t control.
Step 2: Take a positive action for each of the items with a tick. Not only will this create a different reality, it also gives you a message that you are are not powerless and you are taking control which is energising. Such actions include:
- Change your mindset or thinking patterns. How can you reframe the situation so it no longer bothers you?
- Change a behaviour pattern. We are creatures of habit and develop patterns to gain acceptance, approval and respond to past experiences but these patterns may no longer be serving you – be mindful of patterns and tweak them where necessary;
- Set personal boundaries. Do you say yes when you mean no or find yourself doing things that you don’t want to? If so, this is a sign that your boundaries need adjusting.
- Prioritise an unmet need. For example, ask for what you want/need, don’t expect others to mind-read;
- Take specific actions to resolve the situation. Consider what you want to achieve, the steps to get there and ask for support if needed;
- Create new habits or small daily actions that will resolve the niggle.
And so on. The key is to pay attention and take some action, however small.
And finally…
Remember that emotions are messengers providing messages.
If you ignore or suppress an emotion, the emotion acts as if it has not delivered its message. As a result, it gets louder until you listen. In practical terms, this means the emotion gets bigger, and in this case more unpleasant.
I hope this idea has inspired you to actively manage your niggles.
And if you think it might inspire others, please share this idea with them.
And if you have any questions or need support please get in touch with me at [email protected].
Take care!