Have you ever been in a situation when you chose NOT to do something?
Just the thought of doing it caused you so much fear and anxiety. You felt completely paralysed and you took this as a signal that it wasn’t the right thing to do.
And whilst your interpretation may have been right, what if it wasn’t?
What if you had dismissed a great opportunity for success (as defined by you)?
I don’t want you to take this as criticism – this isn’t an opportunity for negative self-talk to get on the soap box!
Also, this isn’t about regret, or beating yourself up about a wrong decision.
Rather, it’s about raising your awareness as to how your emotions, fear in this instance, could be controlling you and influencing your actions.
Control is NOT the purpose of emotions.
They are NOT your foe seeking to sabotage your success.
Instead they are your VERY BEST friend when you welcome them in, listen to their message, and use the energy they give you productively.
They are designed to make you PAY ATTENTION and TAKE ACTION to meet your needs and aspirations.
Emotions do drive our behaviours, but unchecked those behaviours are primarily focussed on ensuring our SURVIVAL, and that’s not at stake anymore.
The Result
We avoid things that our brains interpret could hurt us such as failure, rejection, criticism, risk, chaos, uncertainty, moving out of our comfort zone and so on.
The Consequence
We also avoid opportunities for learning, growth, fulfilment, adventure, success etc as our survival was put before all of these.
Don’t get me wrong, these actions would be great if our survival was genuinely at risk, as nothing matters if we don’t survive!
If this sounds familiar, you are not alone.
This is an extremely common scenario that comes up time and again with clients when they are faced with an important decision, from key business decisions, personal life choices to academic pathway options.
So how do I help clients when they feel blocked or paralysed with fear?
First of all, we acknowledge the fear, ignoring it just allows it to simmer at best, or most often, increase.
Then we make friends with fear so it no longer controls the situation. We allow it to be present so we can understand the wisdom it brings.
Finally, we explore what sits beneath it, as it’s a clear signal that something important is at stake, why else would the feeling be so intense?
Without judgement of what is right or wrong, we identify:
- What is important?
- What values are at stake?
- What needs are at play?
- Who else is involved?
- What support is needed?
- What other options have we not considered?
The Outcome
The more they understand, the calmer they feel. And in this calmer emotional state they can make an informed decision, driven by logic that achieves success in the fullest sense.
And the bonus…
The process itself is incredibly powerful as it highlights any typical triggers, reactions or behaviour patterns that could be impacting their life and success.
To conclude, fear is a force for good when you lean into it, listen to its message and respond appropriately.
If it’s your emotion, it’s your friend x
A word of caution:
Paralysis is not always wrong. It may the right decision to not do something. The key is for you to make a decision with emotion AND intelligence, not just emotion and similarly, not just intelligence, as your emotions provide insights that are unconscious.
Please share this idea with anyone who you feel might benefit from it.
Also, if you’d like to chat anything through, or explore ideas for overcoming challenges or making an important decision, then please get in touch with me at [email protected].
As always, here’s to a life of success. Until next time!